Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
