when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You took a bar mat shot.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
