i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
