Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
