as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
