Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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