So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
