listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
