so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
