are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
