I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
