why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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