i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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