I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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