i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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