from now on my penis is your penis
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize