I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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