Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize