You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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