I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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