I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
