We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
