Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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