I CAN MOONWALK!
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
