just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
When did we convert life to cartoon?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
