i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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