you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
