He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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