Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
