i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize