Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
