Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
