guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
