Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
