Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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