We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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