I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
