OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
