a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
It was confusing and full of hummus
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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