Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
