That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you didnt know i had herpes?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Randomize
