i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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