She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just blew my weed a kiss
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
