woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
