I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
