There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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