the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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