It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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