remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
