if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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