my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
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