I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
