drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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