This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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