Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
