it wasn't lemon gatorade
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
