If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
