im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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