after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
