it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
