my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
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