If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
