you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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