I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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