Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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