I'm lost and stupid without you.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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