A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
