i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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