I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
