Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
