Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
