Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
