Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
