I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize