ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
