if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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