She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
