There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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