I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Houston, we have a blender
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize