Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My penis needs a shock collar
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
