I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
