with your own penis?
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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