im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize