I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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