we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
