can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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