onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
