so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
