Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
