im holly from the hills drunk
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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