You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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