Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
did you just send me my own nude
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
