my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
