why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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