"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
