im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I seem to have left my pride at pride
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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