I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
