apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So much rum. So many feels.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
