Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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