: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
