the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
