help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
