I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
