when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize