I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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