Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
