The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
