i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize