Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
