I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize