My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
