Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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