my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
