Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize