we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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