everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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