Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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