It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
