after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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