You can't special order awesome
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
